Stephen's true thoughts on Steve Carell

In a Colbert Report check-in, Jon awakens Stephen's true and long repressed hatred for Steve Carell. WARNING: Steve Carell fans are advised against viewing as the footage may offend and/or be disturbing.



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Jon Finally Demands Respect

Jon finally loses his temper with Stephen's attitude and demands respect. Suprisingly, Stephen relents.



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Tom Blanton - Bugs In Our Bonnets

Stephen interviews professional tattle-tale and filthy traitor, Tom Blanton. As much as Mr. Blanton tries to convince the audience of the reasons Americans threw off governance by the king of England, Stephen sets him straight by citing our desire to tyrannize ourselves.



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Doug Baily

In this interview, Stephen talks with Doug Baily, co-founder of Unity08, who attempts to convince Stephen to run for President.



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Spot The Difference

Stephen uses his keen eyes to spot the differnce between two virtually identical pictures of Ten Downing Street depicting Tony Blair and Gordon Brown respectively. Ah, leave it to Stephen to open all our eyes to the conspiracies evolving right before us. If only we all had his powers of political and moral perception. You hear that, Nickelodeon Magazine Puzzle Page???!!!!!



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Iran

Stephen examines the ties between the current government of Iran and the Carter administration and concludes Iran is no longer a menance. The similarities are eerie. Always ahead of the trends, Stephen wisely nominates an Iranian actor as Iran's next president and advises the Iranian's to stock up on leg warmers and cocaine in anticipation of the 80's. Watch.



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The Word: Profiles in Timing

Stephen succinctly sums up Senator Luger's courage in waiting to voice his opinion against the Iraq war while voting for it: "It takes a special breed to recognize a problem, wait until nothing can be done and then express an opinion." Other honorees in Profiles in Timing: George Tennant, Dick Cheney, and George Bush...



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Platinum - Popemobile (Billionares Only!!!)

Stephen recommends the Pope pimp-out the Popemobile and reveals the hypocrisy behind the Vatican's recent release of their "Ten Commandments of Driving".... Check out the luis vuitton air bags! ... Other billionare news items explored: A $700,000 pen! And Panda Burgers...

Buy clicking "Play" you agree that you have a net worth of at least a billion dollars and are thus qualified to view the following material.



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Shut Your Spy Hole

In this episode opener, Stephen advises the CIA to use cold water on blood stains when airing their dirty laundry.



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Give Stephen an iPhone!

Stephen Colbert makes Apple an offer: Give him a free iPhone and he will convince people to buy it. Ha Ha...Not as easy as it sounds...And when it's clear Apple isn't budging, Stehpen announces he will review the Apple iPhone based on the one he "didn't get"...Needless to say, Stephen's non-existent iPhone received zero stars.



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Objectivist Children's Sleepover

Jon Stewart of The Daily Show discovers Stephen Colbert holding his 5th annual Objectivist Children's Sleepover. Makes you feel sorry for the ten "lucky" kids with the stigma Stephen, playing the perfect authoritarian Objectivist, attaches to the sharing of cookies. And then there is that creepy lullaby...(shudder)...classic Colbert!

I am Howard Roark!



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